A Month Of  New Beginnings

Do you know that old saying that goes something like, “It’s not about how many times you fall down, but how many times you pick yourself up and start again?” That pretty much summarizes the past month. After falling off the wagon last month (you can read all about it here and about my no spend year here) and beating myself up like crazy for it, I decided that the best I could do was to start all over again.

And that’s exactly what I did. And I now have the gift of perspective. I know what it feels like to be on both sides and I feel like I can make a much more sobering choice now. My anxiety levels have slowly lowered to a point that I’m way more functional. It feels good not to be constantly on edge and trying to “fix” my feelings with “stuff.” Instead of trying to distract myself from whatever I may be feeling at any given moment, I just give myself time to sit with the discomfort. And it feels great to see that it’s jut that: discomfort. I’m not going to die or anything, I don’t have to keep running away from my feelings anymore. 

Of course I still have a running list of things I want to buy, and I’m constantly tempted to keep adding to my collection of stuff, but I’m learning not to act on impulses anymore. I know it’s not going to solve anything or magically make my life better. So, instead I just slowly breathe in and out and I let myself feel whatever I’m feeling. It’s not like a magical, transcendent moment or anything, quite the opposite: it sucks. It sucks so bad that my mind goes anywhere but where I am to try to escape. It sucks really bad, but it doesn’t last forever and after a while it stops and I’m left feeling light and normal again, instead of guilt ridden for buying more stuff I don’t really need.

And as I go along, I keep making choices about what I need and don’t need in my life anymore. My focus has been about having a more curated life in which I have and feel enough. Whatever else I might have around that doesn’t fit that criteria is just occupying mental and physical space and has to go. And what's left is a beautiful reminder of what really matters.

How about you? Can you relate to any of these feelings? If so, I'd love to know your take on them and how you choose to deal with any feelings of discomfort. Leave your comment down below :-)

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