I have this thing with perfection and I’m not saying this to humble brag or to be cute - it’s paralyzing. It keeps me from showing up, from showing my work, from being seen. ‘I can’t show my paintings yet, they’re not there yet.’ Or it would simply prevent me from even picking up a brush. ‘If I can’t make something as perfect as I want, why bother?’
Can you relate?
This kind of thinking held me back for years and I still go through this. Do you know how long I’ve been working on my latest collection? About a year. A year of feeling defeated, of not feeling like my paintings were good enough, of not feeling like I was good enough.
And you know what I realized?
This whole thing with perfection is a shield, a crooked one trying to protect me. ‘If I’m perfect, if I do everything perfectly, then I’ll deserve love, then I’ll be safe.’
But you know what?
If I’m loved because I’m trying to be perfect, I’m not being loved for who I am. It’s not real and I’ll never feel truly loved, truly accepted. It will all be a façade. And it would all be my own doing. I have nobody else to blame, but me.
So I’m trying to change that.
I’m showing up, showing my process - hello Instagram stories - and trying to accept that I will never be perfect and that it’s ok. I found that trying to be perfect is exhausting and a never ending cycle of not feeling good enough and beating myself up for not being perfect. And most of all: hiding.
The thing about perfection is that it’s fear based. It’s trying to keep me safe and I’m thankful for that, but boy is that exhausting… And quite honestly: boring. So no more hiding, no more living in survival mode.
Hi! My name is Flavia, I’m a recovering perfectionist and this is my newest - unfinished - collection.
These are some of the paintings I have so far and I’ll be sharing new ones soon on my Instagram stories - if you are following me there, hold me accountable to that, please. I want to share more of my process, of the messy glorious middle where creativity comes from.
This collection portrays women and flowers. It shows strength and softness, boldness and peace. But most of all, it shows that it’s ok to be seen, it’s ok to exist in the world, to be who you are. I know I can certainly learn a thing about that.
It’s ok to exist in the world, to be who you are
How about you?
Let me know what your favorite painting is so far.
P.S.: Want early access to the new collection + exclusive paintings? Sign up below for first dibs ;-)